Episode Report Card Demian: F | 9 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Have A Drink On The Hardy Boys
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.01.2012
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.The reprehensible DJ Qualls summons Our Intrepid Heroes to Junction City, Kansas, when the heirs of a specialty brewing company start popping up in odd places sporting their entrails as outerwear. Initially, it seems as if the spectral presence of a long-dead local crazy lady is responsible for this unexpected spate of grisly killings, but when yet another heir ends up dead even after the old gal's earthly remains have been salted and burned, Sam and Dean begin investigating the brewery's owners and soon find themselves wading through a sordid morass of fiendish corporate malfeasance and ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz that threatens to drive each and every remaining member of this wretched show's rapidly dwindling audience to suicide thanks to the mind-melting levels of boredom and blah involved. Long story short, two of the brewery's owners screwed the third out of a significant amount of cash, or something, when they sold the operation to a certain as-yet-unnamed company that's probably being run by a Leviathan, so the third guy offed himself. However, before he died, this third, screwed-over partner took great care to import an actual foreign booze monster in a bottle of sake, and it is this Japanese creature who's actually been slaughtering the other partners' kids.
Our Intrepid Heroes quickly learn they can take the Japanese booze monster out with a specially-blessed samurai sword, but naturally, there's a problem: They can only see the Japanese booze monster if they're liquored up themselves. This leads to several ludicrous scenes wherein the tiniest amounts of alcohol immediately have various characters slurring their words and veering into walls and such because this show sucks, but eventually, Dashing El Deano does manage to ram that specially-blessed samurai sword of his straight through what passes for the Japanese booze monster's heart, and with that problem solved, Our Intrepid Heroes happily motor on off towards their next thrilling adventure.
In other news, The Spectral Presence Of Dead Bobby confirms all of our recent suspicions when it finally manifests itself at the very end of the episode. Unfortunately, neither Sam nor Dean seems able to see Dead Bobby at the moment, so we'll have to wait until after this next little three-week-long mini-hiatus for that round of maddening and soul-destroying angst. Whee!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN!, and it's All DJ Qualls , All The Time up here in the THEN! tonight. I want to scream.
Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! The rapidly advancing NOW! oozes its merry way forward until it dissolves into the center of a blurry, crackling campfire that's blazing away somewhere ominous and remote, I'm sure. And while our eyes remain trained on the out-of-focus flames, a young man's voice can be heard to say, "Long ago in these very woods lived an old woman by the name of Jenny Greentree." By the time the young gentleman has reached the end of his initial sentence, the camera's made a gentle pan away from the fire to settle in on his face and wow. He's certainly nothing to write home about. The young gentleman's female companion, however, is most photogenic indeed, and as the camera shifts to pull our attention over to her, she takes this opportunity to punctuate her apparent boyfriend's opening with an appropriately spooky-sounding "Woooooo!" For we've arrived on the scene just as these two and their friends on the opposite side of the fire are trying to freak each other out with a series of campfire-appropriate ghost stories. "Forced out after her family was killed in a fire," the first young gentleman continues, of course referring to the unfortunate Miss Greentree, "she lost everything -- some say even her humanity." "That is so sad," the exceptionally photogenic young gentleman on the opposite side of the fire sarcastically croons and we will eventually learn this young gentleman's name is "Ray McAnn," so I'm gonna make things easy on myself by referring to him as "Jailbait Monster Chow" from here on out.
In any event, Jailbait Monster Chow's equally pretty girlfriend tells him to shut it so the initial young gentleman might continue with his story and why have none of these people died yet? We're nearly a full minute into the episode proper and none of these people have died yet! GOD, I hate this show. Anyway, the initial young gentleman informs his fellows that the unfortunate Miss Greentree eventually found herself homeless, scratching out a meager existence in the very woods now surrounding them and when a blizzard struck, the unfortunate Miss Greentree used the very last of her strength to carve her initials onto a nearby tree, after which she froze to death. "And her evil spirit has haunted these woods ever since!" the initial young gentleman concludes, punctuating his last line by sticking his flashlight beneath his chin and grimacing. Cool story, bro. Now, could someone please rip your goddamned head off?