Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Actually, They're Neither, But Who's Keeping Score?
By Couch Baron | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.21.2006
...and we're outside on the grounds of a lovely estate, where several people are wondering what would happen if they gave a wedding and the bride didn't come. But that's not to be, as Heidi comes rushing up with Veronica holding her train. The minister or justice or whatever looks psyched, but the groom-not-to-be looks like he just swallowed a lemon. A bug-filled, rotting lemon. A snooty rich couple that must be Paul's parents look at each other with consternation, and then Paul asks where Heidi's been. Heidi breezes that they have a lifetime for stories, but Paul isn't having it: "If I wanted to marry Tawny Kitaen, I would have got a nipple pierced." Well, I appreciate the reference, but I think he's talking about this Tawny Kitaen, when these days I think all we're likely to see is this Tawny Kitaen. In other words, just as well you saved the nipple, dude. Paul snots he doesn't want someone who's "sexed up every wannabe rock star in Southern California." Heidi fakes being wounded as she asks how he can say that to her: "Like I would ever sex up a drummer." Okay, Heidi just went up a little in my book, if only because of this. (And this, for that matter.) Veronica laughs, remembering poor sweet loser Deputy Leo, and eventually Paul starts to say that he wants to break it off, but his dad cries, "No!" Heidi explains to everyone watching that everything that happened was an elaborate ruse designed to get her to break off the engagement so that she would be forced to give the ring back, as is done in polite society. Like that applies to anyone here except Jane and (sometimes) Veronica. Heidi adds that if Paul had just straight-up broken things off, she would have returned the ring, but now she's keeping it as payment for the two years she wasted "trying to convince [Paul] [she] was worthy." Heidi grandly tells everyone to enjoy the reception, and then leads Jane away while loudly and tackily wondering if pawn shops are open on Saturdays. She leaves behind an embarrassed, rich, WASP-y family, so it's just the luckiest thing that a reception with five thousand bottles of booze is a hop, skip, and a jump away.