Episode Report Card Sara M: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Electric Van-Aid Acid Test
By Sara M | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.10.1999
And now we're in Simon's room, where a random friend of his is explaining that he has something to show Simon that's such a big deal, he woke up an hour early to be able to show it to Simon before school. And what is it? A notebook the friend found on bus with Simon's name written inside, surrounded by hearts. All over every page. "Do you know whose book this is?" Simon asks. I'm guessing it belongs to someone who has bad taste. Oh, and who's blind. And deaf. And stupid. Turns out the lucky notebook-owner is one "Beth Bagley." "Beth Bagley"? Ah, another astonishing abundance of alliteration. Do you think Friend's full name is Friend Frienderson? I do. Friend asks Simon what he's going to do; Simon says he'll return the notebook to Beth and hope that's the end of it. Um, and just why does Simon have to return the book? He wasn't the loser who found it and then woke up an hour early to show it to his friend. Oh, that's right -- this is the writer's pathetic excuse for a storyline for Simon. Well played, writers. Well played.
Meanwhile, Lucy and Mary, after probably getting lost on the staircase, have finally made their way down to the kitchen and told the CamRents their bathroom plan. Annie is a little too thrilled: "A bathroom?! I think that's a GREAT idea!!!" Can someone please give this poor woman a hobby? Practical patriarch RevCam is concerned that a bathroom will cost money. Annie says that they'll make the bathroom themselves, so it will cost "PRACTICALLY nothing!" She says all they'll have to pay for are the fixtures, and toilets only cost forty dollars. Yeah, and you can find those forty-dollar toilets right next to the five-foot drill bits in aisle No Way at your local Home Depot. RevCam agrees to let the girls build a bathroom as long as they know what they're doing, which they don't, and the girls kiss their mother and take off for school. Annie sighs in contentment, because she feeds off of that kind of validation. "Do you know how long it's been since I've sawed into a good piece of wood?" she asks RevCam. "Sometimes I forget how little it takes to make you happy," he responds. Oh...oh, my. There are a lot of possible jokes here, but they're all very graphic and immoral, so I'll just keep them here, in my head.
Matt grabs a patient's empty lunch tray and puts it on the lunch disposal cart. As he slides it on, he knocks another tray off the cart and onto the floor. Matt gets all pissed off as he cleans the dishes and food off the floor, just like Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer, except negative funny to the infinityth power. Matt tries to stand up, but he can't even do that right and hits his head on a table. He starts screaming about how much he hates his job. Out of nowhere, a voice asks Matt if he hates his job. It's Josh Ryan Evans, better known as Timmy from Passions, and he's been hiding under his blanket the whole time. Matt asks him what's he in there for, and Timmy says that the same thing that makes him short (Josh Ryan Evans had achondroplasia) also puts him in the hospital occasionally. Matt asks if he can do anything for Timmy. No, says Timmy, but maybe he can help Matt. He asks Matt what he was so upset about. Matt whines that he hates his job and he hates cleaning up hospital food, and he's especially pissed because his roommate just got a better job. Timmy says that Matt is jealous, and tells Matt that he should climb a tree. Timmy says it will give him a "whole new perspective." At this, Matt rudely checks his watch, which Timmy notices. He dismisses Matt from his room, but says that Matt can stop by anytime because Timmy "loves people with problems."