Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right. "Countdown." When's the damn finale?
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.26.2003
Dudes. Matrix Reloaded. I've seen the previews, like, FOUR HUNDRED TIMES and still, I just. Dudes. I. Wow. That is all.
Panama City Wanna Hump-Hump. Syd and Dix have arrived on the scene, which consists mainly of Lucky DNA Dude laid out on his bed with his chest ripped wide open, complete with rib spreader, and blood everywhere. Ew. The dude's heart was taken. Dix collects some pictures for his personal photo album of death, and Syd notices an Eye of Rambaldi tattoo on the dude's right hand. Dix is all, why take his heart? Syd's all, I dunno, dude. But take a few more close-ups of his chest cavity, okay? What are you, Crispin Glover over here?
Syd notices a remnant of a surgical glove near the rib spreader, and calls over one of the Panama cops. Apparently, she has it dusted for prints and sends what she finds to Marshall. Once he's analyzed the partial print on it, Marshall calls Syd and tells her that the killer was one Emilio Vargas -- or, as we like to call him, Uncle Machete Cortez from Spy Kids. Syd asks Marshall to forward her everything he has on Uncle Machete.
Oops Center. Vaughn and his forehead wrinkles trail after Jack and start yammering on about Dix and his state of mind. He wants Dix removed from field duty. Jack's all, yeah, I'll take that into consideration. Not. Vaughn's all, dude! He just lost his wife. With all due respect and everything, why are you fighting me on this? Jack's all, uh, are you the boss of me? Vaughn's all, no, but that's -- Jack's all, I'm sorry, ARE YOU THE BOSS OF ME? Because I don't recall receiving a memo wherein I'm required to JUSTIFY my actions to YOU regarding ANYTHING. Oh, and I recruited Dix into SD-6 and introduced him to the man who killed his wife. I am NOT gonna be the one who tells him he can't assist in Sloane's capture, okay? He stalks off, leaving Vaughn and his five new forehead wrinkles to fester like moldy cheese left out in the hot summer wind.
Meanwhile, Marshall's chewing on his fingers and sneaking glances at his future wife, Kerry. Kerry, as it turns out, is sobbing into her hand. Marshall asks if she's okay, but she can't hear him because she's too busy listening to "River" by Joni Mitchell. Marshall hands her a tissue, and Kerry blathers something about how she shouldn't bring Joni to work with her because she just makes her cry and cry and oh, shut up, Kerry.
Marshall takes his seat again, and he and Kerry have an entirely pointless conversation about how researching this end-of-the-world crap gives them both the willies. I'm not saying the scene sucks or anything. Quite the contrary. It's sweet. But it really is pointless. I mean, other than dishing up a nice hot bowl of Marshall 'n' Kerry Sittin' In A Tree, there's no reason for this scene. Marshall yammers on about his family and charms the proverbial pants right off Kerry. "Are you gay?" blurts Kerry. "Why?" spits Marshall. "Is there someone you wanted to set me up with?" "No, it's just...every cute guy that I meet turns out to be gay." Hee. Marshall's all, NO! NOT GAY! Totally weird and have a potentially annoying tendency to partake in verbal diarrhea, but VERY NOT GAY. They make a date for sushi after the apocalypse. Aw.