Episode Report Card Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lucky Swan
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.10.2003
On a park bench, Rory is showing Jess a book she just bought. It's called The Holy Barbarians, by a Venice Beach beatnik about Venice Beach beatniks. And apparently the author is James Lipton's father. Rory and Jess can't remember the name "James Lipton," for some reason, which is highly unlikely with their pop-culture recall. Jess then can't believe that a "weird, Beatnik-y" guy would have such a conservative son. I don't think of Lipton as conservative. Maybe that's because I can't think of him without thinking of David Cross's impression of him accepting his Cable ACE award: "I'd like to thank God for making me the vessel through which he speaks!" Rory wonders if at night Lipton takes off his clothes and parties. Jess complains about the mental image Rory just gave him. Rory tells Jess to admit that it's a cool book. Jess thanks her for it. Rory then says she didn't give it to him, and that she's still reading it. I guess she learned he's just going to scribble in all her books, so she'd better read them first. She takes the book back. He asks why she showed him if he couldn't read it yet. "You're a book-tease," he says. Boo. They begin walking back toward Luke's, since Jess's break is over. As they walk, Jess's arm around Rory's hip, Rory asks if Jess can be free next Friday night. Jess says he can be. Rory tells him she'd like him to come to Friday dinner with her to meet Emily. Jess says he has to work. Rory begs, and Jess says no a few times. Rory tells him that she already agreed that he'd be there and now she's in a bind. Jess tells Rory to bring some other guy who looks a little like Jess, since Emily's never seen him before. "Just don't kiss him good night." He says that Andy Warhol used to do it all the time. Rory bribes him with the book she hasn't finished reading. Jess also makes her pay in kissing currency. "You Gilmores think a lot of yourselves," Jess says, stating the tagline for Season Three. Jess agrees to go, and Rory thanks him three times. She kisses him again, this time with a bit of a moan. Jess sure has her getting comfy with those public displays of affection. She runs off. "Manipulator!" he shouts after her. Before Rory can take another step, Miss Patty emerges from her studio and demands that Rory immediately come inside without asking any questions. Rory always does what she is told.
Inside Miss Patty's studio is a trick! She's kidnapped Stars Hollow residents and is forcing them to watch her rehearse scenes from her new one-woman show: Buckle Up! I'm Patty! CuteDean's there, with a conveniently empty seat beside him. He needs a haircut, pronto. His sides are all flippy and wispy, like he's trying to grow a mullet. CuteDean tells Rory he's been there an hour already. He says it's mostly been Patty and Kirk arguing about stuff. Kirk is the director of this off-off-off-off-Broadway masterpiece, and he's taking it all very seriously, with his director table, his director notes, his tiny green director lamp, and his stern director face. Kirk tells Patty to try one of her reminiscences. She says that's exactly what she was about to do as she flips through her script. CuteDean apologizes to Rory for not saving her. Miss Patty begins. It's a story about how she once met Bette Davis. She was a chorus girl in a bus-and-truck tour of Guys and Dolls: "Beantown! I love that town!" Bette walked backstage one night after the show. Kirk makes a note on his notebook, his head shaking unhappily. She walks right up to Miss Patty and declares: "Doll! Ya don't got the high notes, but ya sure got the gams!" CuteDean and Rory share a glare as Miss Patty says she'll always treasure that moment. She dedicates her next song to Bette, and tells Ethel the piano player to hit it in the key of D. Kirk interrupts here, saying they'll have to rewrite that last monologue, since it got zero audience reaction. Miss Patty says this is her reminiscence, and it can't be rewritten. Kirk tries: "Doll, you've got the gams...but I've got a body in the trunk of my car." This causes a titter from the audience. Miss Patty asks why Bette Davis would say that. "Because she's a murderer," Kirk answers. Patty says she's not rewriting her memories. "It died," Kirk says. "Build a coffin for it. Put some pennies on its eyes, 'cause that stiff ain't breathin'." Miss Patty says they'll discuss it later, and asks him to go back to his light booth. The piano starts. Miss Patty begins to sing (but I think she's lip-synching) and suddenly the lights dim and a strobe light starts up. Hee. Kirk says it's his choice for the song. "It's disco!" Patty shrieks. Kirk says he's trying to subvert expectations. CuteDean and Rory are now enjoying the show. Miss Patty asks for a simple spot. "Something more obvious," Kirk snots. "Got it." Rory and CuteDean agree that this show is a hit and will run for years.