Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Prison Break
By M. Giant | Season 6 | Episode 25 | Aired on 10.01.2007
Swap concepts with Prison Break.
Hold Prison Break down and cut off its toes; this is our yard now, Fish.
Record Kiefer's dialogue in voice-over only and then play it off like he's driving around in vehicles that we'll only show from the exterior. NOTE: Remember to gouge Toyota for the extra product placement.
Possible story idea: Since we've been moving away from torture anyway, Jack can now start coercing information from suspects by forcing them into a car and then driving them up and down Santa Monica Boulevard.
Shoot scenes in prison. Write a plot in which Jack impersonates an inmate and foments a prison riot. IDEAL -- this is the only storyline from a previous season that hasn't been recycled yet.
CONTINGENCY PLAN #2: Postpone production until Kiefer's release.
Shoot all scenes except Kiefer's during his sentence, then shoot his upon his release. Resist temptation to shoot Kiefer.
URGENT: Ensure that writing staff does not use extra time to plan out the full season in advance. Provide some distraction -- send on vacation, assign PSA projects, or frame for drunk driving. Better yet, simply fire writers.
Put off premiere of Season 7 until the day before the premiere of Season 8, then run all twenty-four episodes consecutively in one day. BONUS: That wise-ass lefty dickhead recapper at Television Without Pity dot com will never survive.
CONTINGENCY PLAN #3: Continue production without Kiefer.
Recast part of Jack Bauer. Possible candidates: Ricky Schroder, Kevin Bacon, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dominic Monahgan (available!), Mark-Paul Gosselaar, James Van Der Beek, that Christmas tree.