Episode Report Card Gwen: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shocking secret
By Gwen | Season 5 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.06.2001
The whole fam damily (tm Mr. Stupidhead) sits around the TV and makes stupid remarks while waiting for Ms. MacKoul's appearance on the news. Mrs. Miller's there, too. She wanted the kids to think she was fired rather than to know the truth. Hmm. I wonder what it could be? Is she a child molester? Did she kill someone? Does she have AIDS? Has she been declared insane? Was she caught embezzling? Has she been stalking Ms. MacKoul? No...no...she has breast cancer. No..."advanced" breast cancer. Okay. Yeah -- that's a reason to be secretive as hell. Ruthie's all pseudo-penitent. Matt spills all the personal business he learned about Mrs. Miller at his work. RevCam gives Robbie a dirty look, because if Robbie had registered to vote, none of this would have ever happened. Annie tells the kids to go upstairs and think about what they've done, even though Robbie didn't even sign the petition.
With RevCam's holy guidance and interference, Grandpa tells Annie about his secret love child. He tried to find the child but couldn't, but now she's back, blah blah blah. "No! I'm his only daughter! I'm your only daughter!" Annie yells before running out of the room. Oh, shut up, Annie. God. How childish. RevCam follows her upstairs just so that Grandpa can sneak out of the house while he's gone. RevCam calls his best buddy for this episode, Rev H. Rev H pretends he cares, and RevCam makes a face like he just got hit by a bus.
Robbie and Annie give the twins their daily dose of attention. The lights flicker on and off, and they say inane things about that. Annie comes downstairs, and RevCam explains why none of the kids are there. The two of them yak about the petition for a moment, and then Annie admits that she was a big, immature freaking baby about her dad's news. Except that she didn't say it in that way. RevCam tells Annie everything that her dad's thinking, because she can't deal with anything on her own because she's just a woman. She's just a girl. She's just a girl in the world. She should fall on her knees and thank God that He sent her a man to run her life. We learn that Annie's new sister is on the way to the CamPound. Hmm. I wonder if this new character was ever on The Love Boat or Models, Inc.
Lucy, Simon, and Matt tell Worf that they're sorry about his sister and the petition and everything. Rev H walks up and introduces himself as the minister of the First African Methodist Episcopal Church. Worf says, all quick-like, "Uh, I quit going to church a long time ago...so did my sister..." and Rev H tells him, "I'm not soliciting memberships." Ha. I wonder how often he has to say that. Rev H offers the services of his congregation and RevCam's, and of the students and staff at Ruthie's school. Some of the posters on our forum wondered if there were some insidious significance to the fact that Rev H is the one offering help to the black tertiary character in this episode. I don't think so, though. I think Rev H is allowed to offer churchly help to anyone as long as it doesn't involve interpreting the will of God. See, if the doctors had told Mrs. Miller that she only had a certain percent chance to live, then RevCam would have stepped in to ask if they had cleared it with God first. That's his job. He tells people they forgot to check with God. I wonder how much God pays him for that. We learn that Ruthie and the other brats at her school set up some committee or something on Mrs. Miller's behalf. Yeah, whatever. Worf says some stuff about his sister realizing that a bunch of meddling kids love her. I bet he's really thinking about how disappointed he was when the STTNG movie franchise didn't take off.