Episode Report Card Maggie: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Booby traps and ballistics
By Maggie | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.01.2000
Previously on Felicity: Felicity feels that she's to blame for Julie's disappearance; Molly and Meghan take Felicity to a frat party; Felicity wakes up in a frat boy's bed.
At the loft, Knoll is helping Ben find Felicity's favourite rib place in Laredo, Texas, so that he can order some ribs for her online. Sean appears on the stairs leading to his bedroom, and he asks if he can talk to them about something.
Felicity, who is wearing a paper gown, is in one of the health clinic's examination rooms. Sitting on the table, she's blathering on about not being the kind of person who usually sleeps around or has unprotected sex. She admits to not knowing whether she even had sex the night before.
Back at the loft, Sean, who is dressed in his bathrobe, is downstairs asking Knoll and Ben if either of them has ever had "like an achiness, y'know, like down under?" as he motions to his nether regions. Ben wisecracks, "You mean like in Australia?" which causes he and Knoll to giggle. Sean says he has a dull ache in his testicle, while clutching the affected area. Ben asks him not to use the word, 'testicle'. Oh, grow up, Ben. For as much as you and every other man who has them handles them, you should be able to say the word. Ben says the word is "uch," and Knoll likens it to "whenever a girl says labia -- y'know, it should be neutral, but it's not." Listen dudes, if you are uncomfortable using the correct terminology, you shouldn't be sexually active. Ditto for discussions of contraceptives. If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it. Just call me Dr. Maggie Westheimer. Anyway, I seriously doubt that many women discuss their labia around Knoll. Just how often has this been a problem for him? Sean gets testy and says, "Great. Y'know what? You guys are the ones with the problem. It's called hatred of your genitalia." With that, Sean slams out of the room. One of the Two Stooges says, "Ah, geez. Man."
Back at the health clinic, the ever-so-helpful health-care practitioner is handing Felicity a small cup with two blue pills in it. She drones, "This is a high dosage of the same steroid found in birth control pills. They inhibit or delay ovulation, which will prevent you from getting pregnant. Of course, they'll do nothing to protect you against STDs. Oh, and need I say it, this is not to be your usual form of birth control. Emergency contraception means emergency." Felicity mumbles, "I know about the morning-after pill." I guess she does; she was part of the sit-in last year to pressure the health centre to supply it to students. The nurse/doctor continues, "So take two now and another two in twelve hours." She pauses to look at Felicity's chart, and she snipes, "Oh, tomorrow's your birthday -- have a happy one," before sweeping out the room. Ah, the caring medical profession. Wouldn't you think that if a young woman came into a college health centre with a story about not remembering if she had sex with a stranger because she blacked out at a frat party, the nurse/doctor might have suggested giving her a blood test to find out if there was any Rohypnol in her blood? I think that might be as much of an issue as cautioning her about having unprotected sex. I also think that reminding her to not overindulge might be worthy of a mention, as well as a lecture about the dangers of attending frat parties without relying on the buddy system. I guess that's why I only play a doctor in these recaps and not on TV.