Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kellerman! Baby! Come back! All is forgiven!
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 11 | Aired on 11.13.2005
Meanwhile, on the outside...Quinn rips off LJ's gag and sits down to calmly ask, "You ever stay at a fancy hotel? You know, you leave your room in the morning, it's a mess. Wet, dirty towels on the floor, last night's room service stinking to high heaven. But then, when you come back at night, it's all gone. Fresh towels, clean sheets, candy on the pillows. It's just the best feeling in the whole world. Because someone else cleaned up your mess. All you had to do was walk away." I'm thinking Quinn's really going to blow away the guys at Starwood Hotels when he ties them up and pitches this as his new campaign for the Westin. LJ tries to maintain some dignity as he says, "Don't you hurt them." Quinn shrugs and says, "Okay. But you gotta tell me exactly what they know and who they have told, and nobody has to die tonight. You just walk away. Let me clean up your mess." LJ tells Quinn he has no idea what's going on. For some reason, Quinn finds this highly implausible. I can't believe Quinn thinks that!
On the inside, Westmoreland and Michael are walking together. We find out that Bellick isn't content to punish Westmoreland's non-finking with a simple cat-killing. No, he's also given Westmoreland a new cellmate: Tweener. Westmoreland's kind of amused by it: "Ran a bump-and-swipe on an off-duty cop. Fast hands, faster mouth." Westmoreland then introduces Tweener to Michael by his given name, David Apolskis. I like that Westmoreland's not above calling Tweener a fish to Michael, but still courteous when making introductions. Tweener makes small talk with Michael by asking if Michael can get him onto the PI crew: "A brother needs to make some green -- some cash-sheesh, you know what I'm saying?" "It pays 19 cents an hour," Michael monotones. Tweener's shocked: "Nineteen cents? That's slavery, yo!" "That's prison, yo," Michael replies. ["I'd just like to give props to Miller for the verbal air quotes he hooked around that 'yo.' Nice shootin', Tex." -- Sars] He also says PI's not hiring right now. Tweener bops off, and Westmoreland grumbles without malice, "It's like having another kid. I've already raised one. I'm too old to do it again."
Michael asks Westmoreland if it's remotely possible for the guards to steal the inmates' personal effects. I hope he's asking purely for intellectual exercise, and not because after a few weeks around Bellick, he's still shocked at what the bulls'll do. Anyway, the point to this exchange is to establish that Michael needs the gold watch that was stolen from his belongings, but just as Westmoreland passes on which guard has the stickiest fingers, the anti-pope CO appears to bellow, "Westmoreland! Pope's got a plot contrivance in his office for you! Come and get it!"
FYI: The sticky-fingered guard just happens to be: a) the one who checks in new inmates' possessions, and b) stupid and brazen enough to wear the stolen booty on the job. Michael should be so grateful for this convenience. It would have suh-huh-hucked if the CO had the prudence to only flaunt his stolen booty on the outside. He's also the one who passed a copy of Michael's marriage license to the nosy Bellick. The guard snorts, "Looks legit. He wasn't some guy who tried to sneak some whore in for a conjugal." Bellick grunts, "Says here they got married the day before Scofield robbed that bank. Why the hell would he do that?" To foot the bill for that platinum ring, fool.