Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Enterprise IV: The Trip for T'Pol
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.18.2004
The Vulcans walk. Quantum staggers a bit. That baseball cap doesn't even have those holes that some baseball hats have! What a jackass. B'eastmaster doesn't believe Quantum's a true student of Surak, and starts to quiz him on stuff. "What's Kiri-kin-tha's First Law of Metaphysics?" "I'm familiar with Newton's First Law of Motion -- I imagine they're pretty much the same," Quantum says. Okay, is it the heat that's making him so quantifiably STUPID? Because metaphysics and physics AREN'T THE SAME THING! Please don't tell me you can become a Starfleet captain and NOT know that! What a complete tool. Whatever. Oh, and way to totally demean another culture by just assuming that their fundamental teachings are "pretty much the same" as your culture's, which you then get TOTALLY WRONG! How'd he get into Stanford? Jackass. B'eastmaster doesn't think Quantum's been truthful, and Quantum returns the compliment. "Vulcans do not lie," B'eastmaster says, and what in the holy hell is he wearing? Red billowy pantaloons stuffed into knee-high boots like he's right out of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves? And that weird purple satin and leather corset? That can't be logical desert attire. Quantum says he's dealt with the High Command too much to believe that Vulcans don't lie. "The High Command do not follow Surak's true path!" B'eastmaster announces. "No wonder you humans are their allies." B'eastmaster walks away. T'Pol determines that B'eastmaster is a Syrrannite and that he doesn't trust them enough to lead them to the others. Quantum says their only option is the truth. "It may be too late for that! Sandfire!" T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Quantum doofs behind him and sees billows of sand cascading down Surak's true path. Where's the fire?
I can't believe Jennifer Fucking Love Hewitt is in this new A Christmas Carol, and from the looks of it? She's Fanny. Apt, don't you think?
After commercials, Soval joins Trip and Reed in Sickbay. Quick rehash on the fact that not all Vulcans can mindmeld, and that mindmelding is looked upon as deviant behavior. Once Phlox assures Soval that he can prove that the DNA on the bomb was planted, and Trip suggests a conspiracy theory, Soval mutters, "The needs of the many," and steps up to perform the meld.
T'Pol and Quantum run as the "sandfire" follows them with lightning bolts. B'eastmaster directs them to safety in some caverns. Even though T'Pol's the one with the superior strength, B'eastmaster asks Quantum to help him move boulders to block up the opening. It's great how B'eastmaster tries and fails to make the Styrofoam rocks look heavy. T'Pol helps out by stuffing pebbles here and there. B'eastmaster recognizes T'Pol's locket and asks where she got it. T'Pol tells him it's from her mother. "T'Les," B'eastmaster says. "You're a Syrrannite," T'Pol says, backing away as if it's catching. "The daughter of T'Les serves on a human starship," B'eastmaster says. He's going to end up being T'Pol's "dead" T'Pa, isn't he? B'easmaster ignores T'Pol's CRACK WHORING questions about the safety and whereabouts of her mother, and turns to Quantum to identify him as the one responsible for the destruction at P'Jem. B'eastmaster approves of that destruction. "You seem to know a lot about us -- I'm guessing that means you know why we're here," Quantum pants. Strategically placed lightning crashes. B'eastmaster SMILES slightly and says that T'Ma is safe at some sanctuary. "I'll guide you both there when the storm has passed." Unless you die first. Quantum, inexplicably, makes angry faces. He's just NEVER happy, is he? Jackass.