Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT This Is Not A Love Story
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 06.06.2008
"Since Cylon pilots don't use call signs, we're gonna be painting unique identifiers on all their birds." Seelix is relieved, because they all look alike, because blah blah she's dead meat. Helo's tone is half-ameliorating, half-irritating, all paternalistic, like they're idiots. Which, to be fair, is how they're acting. "You address them, use that number, okay?" Hotdog and Pike whine, in the front row, about how they never should have gone on this mission in the first place. My question is: how many times does Kara Thrace have to ask you to do something impossibly dangerous and weird before you start thinking that before the mission is underway? They both should know better, frankly. (And not for nothing, but I mean who would know better about being drawn by a Heavy Raider you don't trust and can't control -- into a whirling Hub -- to erase the boundaries between life and death, and change the game for both sides of the conflict forever? Hmmmm? What if they all come back sane?)
Helo calls them to attention, and explains how these Heavy Raiders are special turkeys that don't think on their own, and are piloted by the lovely ladies standing to their right. "Oh, and are there tiny pilots inside of them?" I think that probably that is the funniest thing I've ever heard on this show. Good one, Seelix. A Six steps up, not getting the total humor there, and tries to explain one more time that she's a trained pilot, just like them. Hotdog's wingman, Redwing, fronts on her and says that he's killed twenty-odd of her, so how good can she be, and Helo finally interrupts his unblinking time-filling BS enough to get him to back up off her, and continues with the brief.
"Now, let's talk about the surprise element. First wave of Vipers are gonna ride in engines cold. Dradis and comm off, 'mmmkay?" Towed by cables from the turkeys. Pike, for once not trying to be insubordinate, points out that when you're kissing a turkey's gashole ("so to speak") and they tap on the brakes, what happens is that you break your face en route to jamming it up said gashole. So to speak. Because Pike still doesn't get that the Cylons are robots, and incapable of fucking that part up. "They won't. It'll work, you guys. Really. When you're close enough, the cable's gonna disconnect. We're mounting small explosive charges to cut it." Which is dependent on the Colonials, right? The guys in back, that won't even be able to accelerate out of anything, they're the ones that decide when to cut and fly around them. Right? Nope: "Cylon pilots cut the cable. Then you sling out of their birds and you turn your power on. You're gonna be gunning directly at the Hub's FTL. Then it's an all-out fight until we can get in there with the nukes." Pike, still not trying to start shit, repeats the question: "Yeah, so if the Cylons don't lift up, then we're toast, right...?" There are murmurs and the deck's alive with the sound of mutiny and whatever, and Pike's like, "Seriously, this is a concern I have. I am not making a spectacle of myself. For once."
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